Monday, April 28, 2008

Roasted Chickpeas: Wrong Way, Right Way

Mornin’ everybody! Hope y’all had a lovely weekend, and that the weather was half as nice as it was here in Brooklyn: blooming trees, perfect skies, visible patch of grass – the whole nine. Even our neighborhood Incredibly Frightening Drunk Who Hangs Out 24-7 at the Last Remaining Pay Phone on Earth was suitably enchanted.

My weekend was fantastic, spoiled only briefly by a botched attempt at Roasted Chickpeas. I got ‘em right the second time around, but wanted to transcribe the wrong directions, just in case anyone ever attempts them. Here goes:

1) Comb Food Blog Search for acceptable Roasted Chickpea recipe.

2) Settle on Roasted Chickpeas at Anne’s Food. Revel in Scandinavian…ness, as she is fellow Swede.

3) Resolve to visit Sweden, see if everyone is really blonde/lithe.

4) Rinse and dry chickpeas. Place on cookie sheet. Place in preheated 425ºF oven.

5) As chickpeas roast, play Scrabulous with friend F. Watch in horror as F spells “EQUATES” and “SLUGGED” one after the other, scoring 86 and 79 points, respectively.

6) Retaliate with “NOOSE,” as F has just essentially hanged you.

7) Resolve to start socializing with dumber people.

8) Attempt to remove chickpeas from roasting vessel. Instead, spill entire pan in oven.

9) Gnash teeth. Traumatize backyard squirrel with volume of yelled obscenities.

10) One by one, painstakingly pick 150 chickpeas out of ancient, formerly scorching oven, taking care not to burn digits and/or face off by accidentally leaning on blazing surface.

11) Burn digit and/or face off by accidentally leaning on blazing surface.

12) Yell more obscenities. Resolve to enroll backyard squirrel in therapy.

13) Realize (with horror) oven has not been cleaned since the Paleozoic era.

14) Resolve to clean oven.

15) Realize you will never clean oven.

16) Resolve to get roommate to clean oven.

17) Realize roommate will never, ever clean oven, as roommate rarely cleans anything.

18) Ponder life.

19) Attempt recipe again, using correct directions (listed below).

20) Succeed!

21) Lose Scrabulous by record 4 billion points. Remain happy due to ultra-cheap, highly tasty chickpea recipe.

Roasted Chickpeas
4 servings
Adapted from Anne's Food.

1 14.5 oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 teaspoon olive oil
¼ - ½ teaspoon salt (1/2 will be very salty. - Kris)
5 dashes cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cumin

1) Preheat oven to 425°F.

2) Place chickpeas on baking/cookie sheet. Roast for 10 minutes. Shake the pan. (Do not spill on kitchen floor.) Roast another 10 minutes.

3) In a medium bowl, combine chickpeas, oil, salt, and spices. Stir well to combine.

4) Spread chickpeas back out on baking sheet. Roast between 5 and 15 more minutes, until they're browned and super crunchy. Serve.

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price Per Serving
135 calories, 4.3 g fat, $0.15

1 14.5 oz can chickpeas: 500 calories, 4.8 g fat, $0.50
1 teaspoon olive oil: 39 calories, 4.5 g fat, $0.03
¼ - ½ teaspoon salt: negligible calories and fat, $0.01
5 dashes cayenne pepper: negligible calories and fat, $0.02
1 teaspoon cumin: negligible calories and fat, $0.02
TOTAL: 539 calories, 9.3 g fat, $0.58
PER SERVING: 135 calories, 4.3 g fat, $0.15

Stumble Upon Toolbar


Jaime said...

This sounds delicious. I was going to make hummus, but that can of chickpeas (I only have one??) might have a new fate...

SAHMmy Says said...

Like Corn Nuts but healthy? Mmmm! I laughed throughout the article but #7 made me snort my coffee :) Great post!

Chrisi said...

These were so good! I just have one question, how do you store them?

Kris said...

Chrisi, I'm so glad you liked them! There's a similar recipe over at Kalyn's Kitchen, and she was asked the storage question, too. Here's what she said: " I divided mine into a couple of little plastic bags and they stayed crisp for days."

Maybe that'll work?

Kristen said...

So, are these like little crunchy snacky sort of things once they're done?

I think I have a can of chickpeas in the back of my cupboard somewhere.

and, your post was hilarious.

Tylor said...

Excellent post. Not a fan of hummus, but never had roasted chickpeas, and I'm contemplating giving them a shot.

Opinonsmatter said...

I enjoyed your narrative. It's so real to the truth that you have to laugh. Chickpeas are now on my to do list.

Autumn said...

Oh no! What a wretched disaster. My pound cake ran over once in the oven...I spent hours cleaning it up. Got a few nasty burns, definitely employed loud oaths, and ended up buying some spray stuff that made the burned-on goo disintegrate like magic. It was pretty cool. Anyway, I'm itching to get home and try this recipe!

Ms Meghan said...

I have enjoyed the crunchy deliciousness of roasted chickpeas.

I highly recommend smothering them with hungarian paprika and garlic powder as well.

dekrazee1 said...

ROFL!! This is the funniest thing I've read all day!

Strangely enough, it makes me want to try out the chickpeas recipe too!
Thanks for that, I had no idea we could make them at home.

Chief Family Officer said...

Yum! I haven't made roasted chickpeas in a while - I'm definitely going to try these!

Doris said...

I am REALLY excited about trying out this recipe!

learning the ropes said...

the recipe is good, but the way you wrote it...priceless!
My faves are #10 and #11. LOL

crkathleen said...

Do you think you can do this with black beans?

Andrea said...

I made the chickpeas and they were delicious! One question though, do you know how to store them so they stay crispy? I put some in a ziplock and they got kind of "soggyish". Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, delish! One thing: if 4 servings have 9.3 grams of fat, one would have 2.3 grams (not 4.3). Much more Weight Watchers friendly that way. Thanks for the great recipe.

kareninflorida said...

This was priceless! But inquiring minds want to know: exactly how is the backyard squirrel's therapy coming?

Kris said...

Thanks, Karen! He's okay. But we haven't seen him in awhile. I think he might have moved to Queens.

Jennifer said...

im at work right now, talking to one of those "dumber" people. and this artical made me laugh in the phone thanks for it. i needed it

vikks said...

Socializing with dumber people was the greatest-est resovle i ever heard!!..

Alice Lee Munroe said...

I did this recipe, but the pan warped while it was in the oven and sent many, many chickpeas ricocheting around inside. My apartment smells like scorched chickpea every time I cook, but they were very tasty. I tried the room mate/oven cleaning thing. It didn't work out.

Anonymous said...

The recipe is great but your posting was too funny. I laughed so hard at work, people came to my cubicle asking me what's so funny!

Kat said...

I'm a fan of roasted chickpeas, but I use garlic powder, chili powder, and curry powder on mine. I was warned not to keep them in an air tight container or they would soften. I just keep them in a bowl in my cupboard. I never had them stored for long...:)))

blueberry bunny said...

i can't get to the recipe...your post is too lol!

Techno Angel said...

I just made these but I put lemon pepper instead of cayenne and cumin. DELISH! Thanks for the post. Also made me crack up!

drnmj said...

Add tsp. smoked paprika my husband and kids loved them. Only complaint was why didn't I make more.

Anonymous said...

I love the humor, keep up the grouse work!

Kiwiangel said...

Love your style of writing! The recipe was quick, effectie and very tasty. I used a blend of garlic powder, salt, curry powder, ground coriander and ground cumin. Mmmmmm Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Not only a great recipe but a great writing style! I first had roasted chickpeas in Uzbekistan, served with black tea and halva and have been making them nonstop as a study aid snack recently. Variations on the recipe include salt and oregano or paprika and lime.

Wayne said...

I use the bottome piece of a roasting pan. This way there is a "lid" which makes shaking the pan to mix the chickpeas half way through much easier. They dont go flying when the pan warps from the heat.

AJ said...

I don't know if I will ever roast chickpeas but you sure had me grinning innanely with your post..thanks:-)

brenda said...

I was just munching on some store bought roasted chickpeas and was trying to find out how many calories I was consuming when I came across your article. Absolutely hilarious. Next time I will try and make my own. I am usually a klutz in the kitchen but this recipe seems simple enough.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this! Ever since I had these in Morocco I've been dying to recreate them. Now I make these far more often than I'd like to admit :)

Katherine said...

ABsolutely delicious!