Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Cutting Calories and Saving D'oh: 25 Lessons "The Simpsons" Taught Me About Cheap, Healthy Eating

The Simpsons TV show turns the big Two-Oh next year, making them older than Miley Cyrus, post-Soviet Russia, and everything I own, save a dearly beloved 5th grade softball jersey. Like all good Americans, I adore the show, and always have. I owned a Bartman tee in 1990, can quote “Treehouse of Horror IV” word for word, and even as an adult, model myself after eight-year-old Lisa, who is everything that’s right about our society.

What amazes me most about The Simpsons (beyond the college classes and bible studies) is the effect it’s had on my vernacular. Each day, I’m guaranteed to quote a four-fingered Springfieldian at least once – usually unconsciously, usually “D’oh!” (“Excellent,” and “You don’t win friends with salad” creep in there, too.) And when a show’s been around for so long that it actually CHANGES THE WAY YOU SPEAK, you’re bound to pick up a lesson or two along the way.

So today, sweet readers, CHG is taking a temporary pop culture detour. With the assistance of the characters themselves (or at least their dialogue), here are the 25 rules of cheap, healthy eating I’ve gleaned from 19 years of watching Homer & Co.

1) There is such a thing as being too frugal.

Marge: Lisa, I made you some homemade Pepsi for the dance; it's a little thick but the price is right.

2) Keeping a budget and paying with cash are two of the easiest, most effective ways to regulate expenditures. Without them, you might not be aware of how much you’re spending.

Moe: Say, Barn, uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah, you had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today. You owe me seventy billion dollars.
Barney: Huh?
Moe: No, wait, wait, wait, that's for the Voyager spacecraft. Your tab is fourteen billion dollars.


3) Mass-market food companies are there to make money, not to make you healthy.

[Marge has decided to go into the pretzel business.]
Marge: What's my territory?
Frank Ormand: Your territory? Well, let me put it this way: wherever a young mother is ignorant as to what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there! Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you'll be there!
Marge: Don't forget fat people! They can't stop eating!
(passing by) Hey! Pretzels!

4) Those same corporations spend billions marketing junk foods towards American consumers, and despite our best intentions, we’ve become both accustomed and prone to their suggestions.

Homer: Hey, it's the first day of the month. New billboard day. [Drives by, reads first billboard] "This year, give her English muffins." Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard.

5) It helps to stay current on news about food, nutrition, cost, and cooking, but don’t believe everything you read.

Marge: I don't have e-mail. (crowd gasps)
Homer: Oh Marge, you got to get on the Net. It's got all the best conspiracy theories! Did you know that Hezbollah owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes?


6) Diet and exercise are the only consistently proven, non-surgical paths to weight loss. Everything else is bunk.

Marge: Homer, has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?
Homer: Ah, lamentably no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.


7) Portion sizes have increased tremendously in America over the last few decades, and are a giant factor in U.S. weight gain. This is especially true for restaurant food and takeout.

Homer: Is this the biggest steak you got? 72 oz.? I thought this was supposed to be a steakhouse, not a little girly, underpantsy, pink doily, tea party place!
Waiter: Well, we do have one steak available upon special request. We call it Sir Loin-A-Lot. It's the size of a boogieboard.
Homer: Ooh, I'll have that one! And to drink ... meatballs.


8) Eating at home as much as possible is a simple way to regulate nutritional intake and save money.

Apu: Poor Mr. Homer! Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
[A customer enters.]
Customer: Gimme some jerky.
Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?


9) Planning menus and shopping ahead of time will prevent last-minute supermarket sprees and oft-pricey impulse purchases.

Marge: Homer, I have to go out to pick up something for dinner.
Homer: Steak?
Marge: Hmm, money's too tight for steak.
Homer: Steak?
Marge: Eh, sure. Steak.


10) When grocery shopping, it helps to look for whole foods and stick to the perimeter of the store. It’s healthier and less expensive overall.

Homer: Olive oil? Asparagus? If your mother wasn't so fancy, we could just shop at the gas station like normal people.

11) Instead of purchasing pre-made sauces, mixes, and dressings, create your own at home. The end product will be way tastier, and it’s often cheaper and better for you, as well.

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.


12) Cutting down on meat will make a significant difference in your food budget and calorie intake.

Apu: Let's see ... Farmer Billy's smoke-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's travel bacon ... Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns!

13) The surest way to diet/budget defeat is to make absolute changes without allowing for the good stuff. Don’t forget to indulge every once in awhile.

Lisa: (to Homer) Is it really worth risking your lives for some sugar?
(from kitchen) Dessert's on! I steamed some limes!
Lisa: Godspeed.


14) Read labels and be wary of health claims. A lot of times they’re just plain bogus. Whole, untouched foods will always be the best way to eat.

Homer: Wanna bite of my doughnut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.


15) While you’re at it, don’t forget to check expiration dates. Especially on bargain-priced foods. Sometimes it’s been marked down because it’s about to go bad.

Homer: Apu, I'm returning a yogurt I wasn't completely satisfied with.
[opens the bag] OH MY GOD! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby, and the baby puked, and the dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog! I'll give you any yogurt in the store just take that thing with you when you go!

16) Know that fat isn’t always a bad thing. There are good ones – usually naturally-occurring – like those found in avocados, peanuts and eggs.

[Homer has just snatched and stomped on Lenny’s egg sandwich.]
Homer: I saved your life! That egg sandwich could have killed you -- by cholesterol.
Lenny: Sheesh -- forget it, Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it yet has not been proven they conclusively actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human bloodstream.
Homer: So, one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?


17) Just because a food is fat-free doesn’t mean it’s low in calories or better for you. Sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and other sweeteners can be just as deleterious to your health.

Dr. Hibbert: Sugar is not only fattening but it's also terribly, terribly addictive. … Uh, is my carton of Pixie Sticks in?
Apu: No, it hasn't come in yet.
Dr. Hibbert: Dammit. When they come in you call me at this number.
[hands over a card]
Apu: 911?

18) Condiments, toppings, and add-ons are a quick way to pile on fat and calories.

Homer: I'm on a bit of a health kick, so I'll take the low-fat vanilla. With the following toppings: Snickles, Gooey Bears, Charlottesville Chew, Nice 'n Many, Kat Kit, Herschel Smooches, Mrs. Badbar, and Milk Dudes.

19) Parental habits are key (if not THE key) in how kids learn to eat. Children mirror what they see at home, so it’s important for moms and dads to model healthy behaviors.

Homer: Don't fill up on those vegetables, kids. Save room for nachos!
Lisa & Bart: All right!
[disapprovingly] Mmm…

20) Make eating an experience rather than a chore. Use all your senses to enjoy it fully. The overall slow-down means you’ll consume less.

Homer: I smell cake! Cake that says (sniff sniff) "Farewell" and (sniff sniff) "Best Wishes"!
Nelson: Your old man has an awesome nose.
Bart: Oh, that's nothing. He can hear pudding.


21) Buy recycled grocery bags. They’re frugal, better for the earth, and you never know when they’ll come in handy for something else.

Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

22) Speaking of a frugal item with several applications: buy white vinegar. It’s more than a foodstuff. It’s an EVERYTHING.

Mr. Burns: I need to have my eyes re-balled and my brain flushed out with vinegar.
Smithers: Oh and your legs will be back from the shop tomorrow.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.


23) Read reviews. For all things, everywhere. Restaurants, cookware, recipes – you name it. You might not unilaterally agree with a commenter, but an unbiased opinion (or several hundred unbiased opinions) will keep you from wasting valuable resources and time.

[Homer has become a restaurant critic.]
Sea Captain: I had enough of Homer! His bad reviews are sinking our businesses!
Akira: Then why did you put yours on the window?
Sea Captain: Yarrrr. It covers up the ‘D’ from the health inspector.

24) Food is almost always tied to emotions. Exploring how and why you eat is vital to understanding issues you may have with it.

Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

25) Remember, true dietary or financial change is possible only through repeated action. It takes a lot of tries to change a behavior fully, so don’t panic if you foul up. Of course, you have to commit in the first place.

Homer: [after watching Barney's movie] Wow, I'll never drink another beer again.
Vendor: Beer here.
Homer: I'll take ten.

And that’s it. Readers, do you have a favorite Simpsons quote that taught you something valuable? Post away!

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Zegi said...

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

What this taught me: some people have internal conversations.

Meredith said...

Funny! My favorite Simpson's frugal moment (apart from Marge's creative Chanel suit) is when they all visit an Everything's $1 store.

I can't remember the punchline, but Homer eats a can of something not made for the USA.

It struck us as so funny because we had been looking at cans of food packed in South America at our own Dollar Tree that week!

Sarah said...

(Lisa announces she is becoming a vegetarian)
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Lesson: Try to find out where your food comes from.

That's my guess, have any ideas Kris?

Anonymous said...

Everytime one of us suggests that we have steak, the other will reply "Money's too tight for steak", which prompts the response, "steak?". Also quote "you don't make friends with salad" nearly everytime my partner mentions the food.


KMAYS said...

My favorite food-related Simpsons quote:
(After, I believe, the Simpsons won the lottery and go to a fancy restaurant to celebrate.)
Homer: Yes, I would like the most expensive thing on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive thing on the menu.
Waiter: Yes sir, that would be lobster stuffed with tacos.

Kris said...

Sarah, I would totally go with your lesson. Or, simply: bacon is good.

Sarah said...

Oh I thought of another one, but I don't remember the exact quote. It's from the fugu episode, where everyone thinks Homer might have only 24 hours to live because he might have eaten fugu that was not properly prepared.

Lesson: If something seems too risky to eat, don't eat it. Good advice after all the salmonella scares this summer.

Ron said...

This one is more financially related:

Homer: Mr. Burns, you're the richest man in the world. You OWN EVERYTHING!

Mr. Burns: Ah yes, but I'd give it all up for just a little bit more.

Lesson: Be satisfied with what you have.

Sarah said...

How about the one where Lisa becomes a vegetarian, and prepares Gazpacho for her dad's BBQ.

Lisa: "Don't worry everyone, you don't have to eat meat! I made enough gazpacho for everyone!"

The group mumbles, unsure what gazpacho is.

Lisa: "It's tomato soupd served ice cold!"

The group starts laughing

Barney: "Go back to Russia!"

Lesson: Not sure... maybe as a hostess to know your audience, or to not foist huge food changes on people who aren't ready.

Kelly said...

My favorite Simpsons quote EVER also happens to be a food quote:

Homer: Why do you mock me, God?!
Marge: Homer, that's not God, that's a waffle Bart tossed up there last week.
(she gets a broom and scrapes the waffle off the ceiling, then leaves)
Homer: I know I should not eat thee ... but ...
Homer: Mmm, sacre-licious.

The lesson? I'll go with: sometimes, the right food is just worth it.

Daniel Koontz said...

Wait. Is that Gospel According to The Simpsons
for real? It can't be for real.

But it reminded me of one of my all-time favorite quotes--when Bart is in Sunday school and the kids are all grilling the teacher about heaven:

Bart: Um, ma'am, what if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!

And then later in the episode:

Sunday School Teacher (annoyed): The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't.
(Bart raises his hand.)
Bart: Oh, oh, oh! Me!
Sunday School Teacher (more annoyed): Bart...?
Bart: What about a robot with a human brain?
Sunday School Teacher: I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask?

The lesson? I don't really know.

Casual Kitchen

Anonymous said...

when you compress food - you unleash it's awesome power ( Homer compresses spaghetti into a bar like form)

Amiyrah said...


Lesson: any transportation that saves on gas and emissions definitely deserves it own song.


Anonymous said...

I forgot the best one.

HOMER: Can't talk. Eating.

Lesson: Slow down, dude.

Briana said...

This is so great! I love this show!

Ewokgirl said...

Brilliant list! So funny!

Mrs. G said...

Thank you for this article. It really made my day. And the comments are as funny as the post. THANK YOU! :)

freebird said...

I've never seen a Simpson's episode. Can I still eat right?

Jim Kozo said...

My favorite quote also is a lesson:

(HOMER talking to BART):

"You tried your best and still failed, the lesson is never try !!"

Anonymous said...

Dr. Nick -- "And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain."

Anonymous said...

I hate them! they are SOOO stupid!

anyone agrees?

Anonymous said...

my favorite - at the end of the prohibition episode

Homer making a toast to the whole town: To alcohol - the cause of and solution to all of life's problems

lesson - everything in moderation

ShipJohnB said...

I may be a littl off on the qoutes but I love Homer's way on saving money...
Marge: Homer I was thinking we need o come up with ways to save money
Homer: Good idera we are always getting Maggie inoculations for diseases she doesnt even have
Marge: Mmmm Iwas thinking we could cut back on the beer
Homer: Not gonna do that

Lesson: Know whats important to you and don't let others talk you out of it

Anonymous said...

don't forget when homer sold his soul to devil-flanders for a donut!

Lurlene said...

If you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain.

Anonymous said...

Homer: Butter up that bacon Boy
Bart: But My heart hurts.
Homer: Bacon up that sausage.
Bacon... it!

Anonymous said...

Homer says:"to alcohol, the cause and the solution to all of lifes problems"

Sai Na'Ashar said...


A similar event (not sure if it's the one you're talking about) is when they visit the $.33 store;

Homer: Ooh! Plankton!

Lisa: Dad, I'm not sure if you should be eating that; the "Mexican Department of Food" says that plankton is long expired and...Dad, you're turning purple!

Homer: But it's sooo cheap! *aarrghhllll*

This is just after they pass the displays of "Ranch Flavored Soda" and "Onions?"

El Zato said...

Meredith, I can't remember word-for-word, but it wasn't an Everything $1 Store, it was an Everything ¢25 Store

-Lisa: (reading the can's label) Dad, according to the Mexican food commission, this expired one year ago.

- Homer: Mexicans, they know nothing! (eats the contents of the can)

At least, that was what the latin american spanish dub said (I am Venezuelan)

The lesson: Homer is stupid, and The Simpsons writers are racists.

Anonymous said...

Delivery boy: Bucket of Fried Chicken - extra skin.

Lesson: eat whatever tastes good - nobody lives forever.

John said...

Best. Blog. Ever.

...should I be worried that I knew the next line to almost every quote!?

Anonymous said...

I always like the one where Homer goes to the chili cook off and eats to much of Chief Wigams peppers from the Guatamalian insane asylum, and he has a crazy trip, gets lost in the desert, and afterwards Marge thinks he got drunk like he promised not to.

Lesson: Be careful what you eat.

jonyoon said...

In the episode where the family (or that matter, the entire town) is taken over by a cult shows us that people can be influenced by the Theme Tune to TV's Batman.

Wonder if McCain or Obama will use that during the General Election to get more votes?

Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah...Mc-Cain!!!!!!

Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah...O-ba-ma!!!!!!

Cathy said...

One of Homer's most profound quotes is:

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

Lesson: We're doomed.

Christine said...

My favorite food-related Simpsons quote is the one that comes from the episode where Homer becomes a food critic. Homer is trying to write an article but struggles with words he can use to describe the dish.

He asks the dog, Santa's Little Helper, for help and the dog says: "Ruff!"

Homer: "Rough? You've been pitching that all day!"

Santa's Little Helper: "Chew-y?"

Anonymous said...

Our favorite is when Homer is trying to eat the monster steak so he doesn't have to pay for it. Instead of digging into the steak, Homer starts ravaging the bread basket. Marge yells, 'Homie, don't fill up on bread!' We say that all the time at our house. Good times...

Anonymous said...

I recall an episode where Marge was trying to teach Lisa about shopping on a budget. She admitted to stretching Homer's meatloaf with sawdust for years.

Anonymous said...

There are sooo many, but the absolute favorite is about money.
This is paraphrased.

Mr. Burns is asked about his fortune and it's impact on his life. He states:
I'd give it all up - for a little more.

Food-wise, nothing beats the episode with the hero sandwich Homer keeps under the couch and eats some of every day. He is such a conservationist!

Anonymous said...

Its not really a quote, but I love the episode where Homer gains weight to get on disability. Dr. Nick tells him that, "if you rub it on a piece of paper and the paper turns clear, its your key to weight gain." His fish sandwich turns the wall clear at the Krusty Burger.

-matt said...

Great post!

Mmmmm.....purrrrple....purple's a food, right?

Anonymous said...

Homer: No tv no beer make Homer...something...something...
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Lesson: If you completely take away your favorite things you may go crazy.

Anonymous said...


my all time favorite Simpsons exchange went something like this:

Lisa (with Bart right beside her): Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car is ok?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: Ok, then.

Know what is important. If the car is ok, the raised dead thing just kinda fades away...

Anonymous said...

I love when Lisa becomes a vegetarian and Apu shows her the door to his secret rooftop garden, which is in the non-alcoholic beer section.

Lisa: What do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer?

Apu: You know, it's never come up.

Lesson: Some healthy alternatives just aren't worth it. (You'll never see me buying reduced-fat cheddar ever again.)

Anonymous said...

Homer: "To Alcohol! The cause of and solution to, all of lifes problems"

Anonymous said...

I don't remember which episode, but Marge is teaching Lisa about budgeting for groceries. She confesses that she feeds a family of five for $12 a week. Made possible, in part because she stretches Homer's meatloaf with sawdust.

Reiterates the lesson that you can be TOO frugal.

Anonymous said...

One word Tomaco

Where they made tobacco enhanced tomatoes oh the fun

ergoat said...

I thought the Simpsons were banned in Venezuela (and replaced by Baywatch)?

(After long absence of Marge from home)
Lisa: "There's nothing to eat for breakfast!"
Homer: "You gotta improvise, Lisa. Cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust."

Lesson: Frozen pie crust for breakfast is a staple that doesn't need additions.

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite episodes is when Lisa is trying to be a vegetarian, and Homer decides to have a massive barbecue. (if I remember right, a Flanders reunion is also happening next door?)

Cheif Wiggum: Wing me another one of them burgers, would ya? I can't seem to stand up under my own power anymore.

Homer: One Whopper for the copper!

Dr. Hibbard: My diagnosis? Dee-licious.

I don't know what the lesson would be: food is more enjoyable with friends, maybe?

Oh yeah, that episode has another Homer classic: But all normal people love meat. If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat, I would say, 'Yo! Goober! Where's the meat?!'


Anonymous said...

just a passing thought, Hungry,hungry Homer

Genetically altered vegetables'"my potato is eating my carrot"

plenty more i just don't have time now but great work on this

Anonymous said...

Homer is lured to the kitchen in the middle of the night by the smell of bacon mysteriously frying on the stove leading to this classic Homer quote:

"Mmmmmmmmmm...unexplained bacon"

Anonymous said...

My favorite line, it's from the episode that Lisa becomes a Buhdist:

Homer: When your in my house you'll follow my rules! Now butter your bacon!

Bart: (dissappointed)awwwww.....

(Lisa runs down stairs claiming she has great news)

Homer: One second honey. (angry) Bacon the sausage boy!!

Bart But, my heart hurts!

Homer: do it!

The lesson: don't push it.

Anonymous said...

my favourite simpsons quote:

mr. burns: smithers are they booing me?
smithers: no they're saying boourns! boourns!
mr. burns: are you saying boo, or boourns?
crowd: BOOOO
moleman: i was saying boourns....

Anonymous said...

What about the sub sandwich Homer keeps eating for weeks? At one point it had a band aid and hair on it. It turns green and makes him sick. He curses it and then takes another bite. The hot dog at Apu's that's been there a long time...

Lesson: know when to throw food out. LOL

Anonymous said...

Bart: How are those berries, Ralph?

Ralph: They taste like...burning...

Lesson: Mystery berries can be used as a fuel source.

Anonymous said...

While putting Bart's guitar in a closet Homer says, "If somethings hard to do then its not worth doing." That is my favorite father-son moment

Anonymous said...

The episode where Marge and Homer go to the all you can eat buffet and end up suing the sea captain because he ate everything in the restaraunt. some great lines:

waiter: sir, please don't take the serving tray!

lawyer asks marge what she and homer did after they were kicked out of the restaraunt.
Marge:"we drove around all night, trying to find another all you can eat seafood restaraunt."
Lawyer: "and when you didn't find one?"
Marge: "We went fishing."
Lawyer: "Does this sound like a man who had all he could eat?"

Anonymous said...

el zato, you are joking about the racist comment right?

The point of the show is that Homer is stupid (d'oh!) and the writers purposely use him to show how ridiculous it looks when someone is racist. By your own account of the episode homer makes the racist comment "mexicans, they know nothing!" then goes against the Mexican food commission's reccomendation and gets sick... proving that the Mexican food commission was right and Homer shouldn't have been racist and disregarded their instructions. How does that make the Simpson's writers racist?

Sorry to go off topic, that was just bugging me. And sorry zato if you werent serious and i just didnt catch the sarcasm...

Funny article and quotes btw!


Anonymous said...

I'm surprised nobody said from the Treehouse of Horror Halloween episode -

1. Homer: No TV No Beer make Homer something something...

Marge: Go Crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do, aughahghaghahah!

Lesson: Give an alcoholic a beer and he'll drink for a day. Take his alcohol away and he'll go crazy for a lifetime!

2. Principal Skinner: There's a little Uter in all of us. In fact, you could say we are eating him, and he is in our stomachs right now.....umm, scratch that last part

Nanci said...

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him?!
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you know nothing know it all!!

Episode Lesson: Be tolerant of others.

I became a vegetarian over 20 years ago as a teenager still living at home. I related very strongly to this episode, and it's hilarious, of course.
People who think the Simpsons are stupid have no sense of HUMOUR or INSIGHT! You just don't get it and I feel sorry for you.

Anonymous said...

I always laugh when my family and I eat, we make the same "Simpson" noises.

"I like my beer cold, my T.V. loud and my homosexuals FLAMING."

Anonymous said...

What about the episode in which Homer and Bart are trying to steal the used oil from Springfield Elementary and the whole thing blows up into the gymnasium?

Ralph: This snowflake tastes like fishsticks.

Milhouse: It's like ...a hamburger milkshake.

Lesson? Not really.

Anonymous said...

A good food quote:
Homer wanders down to the fridge at night, opens it)

Homer:MMM...sixty four slices of American Cheese...Sixty four, sixty three...
(TIme Passes to morning)
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind.
(Mr. Burns and Smithers fall from the ceiling, where they have been clinging all night above Homer)
Homer: oohh..

The lesson: Too much of a good thing can be bad, and keep you from paying attention

Anonymous said...

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Lesson - you are what you eat.

Anonymous said...

You better run, egg!

Anonymous said...

Move over eggs. Bacon just found a new best friend...FUDGE!!!

Anonymous said...

It's a Friday and Marge calls the plant to tell them Homer won't be in to work that day. They tell her if he dosn't come in Friday to not come in Monday,she tells Homer and he replies. "Woo Whoo 4 day weekend"

Lesson make as many 4 day weekends as you can and woo whoo

Mr Plow said...

Homer: "Bart, how come you never play your guitar anymore?"

Bart: "To be honest dad, I wasn't good at it right away so I gave up. Are you mad at me?"

Homer (reassuring): "Son, if somethings hard to do at first its not worth doing. Now you go put that guitar in the closet next to your karate outfit, unicycle and short wave radio and we'll go watch TV together."

Bart: "What's on?"

Homer: "It doesn't matter."

Lesson: America rules (for a few more years anyway).

Anonymous said...

Lisa: "Dad, I'm hungry and Mom's still at the casino."

Homer: "You just have to be creative Lisa. See, I'm combining cloves, a ready made pie crust and some Tom Collins mix."

(Homer tastes his concoction)

Homer: "Lets go get Mom."

Lesson: Shop when you run out of food.

Anonymous said...

By far the funniest thing I have read in a while!!

The Simpsons = Pure GENIUS!!!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about when Homer stays home from church and makes a butter waffle. He takes the waffle batter, cooks it and wraps it around a stick of butter and eats it. Then he goes to sleep on the coach and the house burns down.

B-Train said...

HaHa, great post- here's a few...

Marge to Homer: Don't blame me about your weight, you're the one who butters your coffee.

Passerby to fat Homer: I got a movie for ya fatty! A fridge too far!

Ticket attendant to fat Homer: I'm sorry sir, our facilities are unable to handle a gentleman of your... carriage. But we're pleased to offer this garbage bag full of popcorn.

Marge: Homer, are you licking toads?
Homer: I'm not not licking toads.

Chalmers: What's that in your kitchen Skinner?
Skinner: It's Aurora Borealis.
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? In this time of the year? In this part of the country? Localized ENTIRELY within your kitchen?
Skinner: That's right sir.
Chalmers: OK then. I gotta give it you - you steam a mean ham Skinner

Lesson: Nothing beats a well placed Simpsons quote - there's one for everything.

Anonymous said...

Homer: "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"

Anonymous said...

Well one of my favorite quotes has already been mentioned, "Butter than bacon, boy."

However, when a monorail runs amok and a donut saves everyone's life, Homer utters my all-time favorite quote of his, "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

Lilly said...

Marge: "I knew you had your hands full with the babies, so I baked you some banana bread."
Apu: "Oh hallelujah, our problems are solved! We have banana bread!"

Lesson: Eating and food won't solve your problems.

Anonymous said...

Canadian Bacon
Mexican Bacon!

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure McNuggets are 25% lil Lisa's animal slurry.

Anonymous said...

1. Patti to Selma (or the other way around) while watching Homer eat: Do you know the Heimlick Manuver?
Reply: No.
P or S: Good. (laughs)
Homer: What's that?
P or S: Just shut up and eat!

Lesson: Chew your food slowly. You can't rely on others to save you from choking.

Anonymous said...

Homer Simpson: Dear lord, as I think of you dressed in white with your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at your right hand, shoveling popcorn chicken into thy mouth. Lord, could you come up with a delicious news taste treat like he did? I command you.
[Homer closes his eyes and claps his hands, and his car swerves into oncoming traffic. A hot fudge truck overturns, flooding the road, and then a Johnny Bench's Pre-cooked Bacon truck smashes into it. A piece of fudge-coated bacon lands on Homer's windshield, and he grabs it and takes a bite.]
Homer Simpson: Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend — fudge.

Adam said...

Don't forget Homer eating the donut from the science experiment because he was so upset that they were going to burn it to see how many calories it had. "Mmmmmm, forbidden donut".

Lesson: Never let a scientist touch your food! They'll just ruin it for everyone!

There's also a great line from one of the treehouse of horror episodes where groundskeeper Willy frightens Bart with the following:"I ate is cat, I ate is dog, and I ate the way he's always barkin!"

Lesson: Watch what you ate. : )

Anonymous said...

Homer to Lisa after the teachers went on strike: Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't go on strike. You go in every moring and do your job really half-a**ed. That's the American way!

Anonymous said...

Flanders from Tree House of Horror II (or III, I can't remember): After finding the Monkey's Paw and sees Moe being chased by an alien "The first thing we need to do is get rid of these darn space aliens!)
Kang (or Kodos) running from Moe with a board with a nail in it: "Run! He's got a board with a nail in it!"

No lesson here. My brother and I still laugh at that line, no matter how many times we hear it.

Anonymous said...

Great article, a lot of repeat comments, yet no one mentioned the multiple lessons taught by Krusty the Clown...

Krusty: I was paid to tell you it's delicious!

Krusty: what? I gotta take a bite of this? oh god ... MMMM!!!... Bleaaugh! oh god! That would gag a... ahem So tell your parents you wanna Krustyburger!

Lesson: never trust a celebrity endorsement.

Also note to EL ZATO & CHRISTINA --
Latin American Spanish dub? AS most Latin American countries are anti-American, it is not unforseeable that that the dubbing would be skewed to make Americans look racist (not that we need help) - Always remember the phrase: "Lost in translation" as it is often true.

Anonymous said...

Homer Simpson: Dear lord, as I think of you dressed in white with your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at your right hand, shoveling popcorn chicken into thy mouth. Lord, could you come up with a delicious news taste treat like he did? I command you.

[Homer closes his eyes and claps his hands, and his car swerves into oncoming traffic. A hot fudge truck overturns, flooding the road, and then a Johnny Bench's Pre-cooked Bacon truck smashes into it. A piece of fudge-coated bacon lands on Homer's windshield, and he grabs it and takes a bite.]

Homer Simpson: Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend — fudge.

LESSON: If you like 2 things individually, you'll like them even more when combined.

Anonymous said...

"who made you the pope of chili town"

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm....floor pie....

No lesson, but funny!

Bonnie said...

Homer to Lisa: You wouldn't be here today if I hadn't become the responsible head of a household.
Bart: Hey, Homer, can we have a can of frosting for lunch?
Homer: Okay.

Anonymous said...

One of the only quotes I use almost daily:

(as Homer and Bart are chasing a runaway pig from their bbq)
Homer: It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good!

It's just a little wet, it's still good, it's still good!

It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good!

(meanwhile Mr. Burns decides he wants to donate money to charity... When Pigs Fly! as Homer's pig flies by his window)

heather p said...

Couple of favorites..

When kids were stuck on the island - "I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's!!"

Another Arby's one, don't recall the situation though "People do crazy things somethimes, like eat at Arby's!"

And of course there was the whole window to weight gain... :)

Go Banana!

Anonymous said...

ralph- "My cat's breath smells like cat food."

Lesson- Your breath smells like what you eat.

Anonymous said...

Sheesh, an article on frugal eating habits, and you skipped:

[At Eatie's Gourmet]
Homer: If it has a toothpick in it, it's free!

(I think the lesson is self-evident. )

It's also the episode where Homer buys Pinchy, a tiny, inexpensive lobster he plans to fatten up.

Lesson: You can save money by planning your meals in advance

Anonymous said...

Ralph: "Ms. Hoover....I at my worm, can I have another?"

Anonymous said...

The one where Lisa gets the rest of the family to eat healthy. They actually do it, until they all get so sick because their stomaches couldn't handle the drastic change from a diet of greasy fried foods to healthy veggies. (Then Lisa nurses the family back to health with fried chicken and singing... which prompts her dad to enter her in a talent show)

Lesson: Don't try to change too quick! Slowly introduce more veggies into your diet and allow your digestive tract time to adjust to all the great fiber. (Eating bread before veggies helps.)


Anonymous said...

Miss Hoover: Now, take out your red crayons.
Ralph: Miss Hoover?
Miss Hoover: Yes Ralph?
Ralph: I don't have a red crayon.
Miss Hoover: Why not?
Ralph: I ate it.

Lesson: Crayons have no nutritional value.

El Zato said...

No, the series wasn't banned, just ordered to be transmitted at a different time (when no kids are supposed to watch it) The TV chain chose not to transmit it at all, because most people here think that all cartoons are for children...

My point is that they (The Simpsons writers) used the Mexican food commission as an example of incompetence. The way Lisa said that sounded like "If even the Mexicans think it's rotten, then it must be" Homer's response was what he should have said, being stupid as he is, if Lisa said: "according to the Mexican food commision, this can of whatever-edible-thing is in good condition."

They do that kind of jokes all the time:

(In the Simpsons movie) Krusty doing a commercial: -"If you can find a more greasy hamburger, You are in Mexico!"

Lesson: In Mexico you can find hamburgers made of pure fat.

(Wanting to make a movie about his life) Mr. Burns: -"I want to talk to Steven Spielberg!"
Smitters: -"I think he's kind of busy right now"
Burns: -"Then bring me his Mexican equivalent"

Lesson: The movie WILL suck

Hey, I always loved this show (until about 10 years ago when the writers ran out of good ideas) but still I think most of the jokes are funny, including everything quoted in this post. However, I can imagine this conversation taking place 10 years ago:

Writer 1: -"Since we can't joke about black people or indians, like they do in South Park, let's make jokes about latino people! They won't understand anyway."

Writer 2: -"How about make the Simpsons travel to other countries? We can picture a Cuban boy selling donkey meat on the streets of Havana, and the Rio de Janeiro city ruled by monkeys and rats"*

Writer 1: -"You are a genius"

(Sorry for my English, is not my native language)

*Reference to episodes 9-20 ("The Trouble with Trillions") and 13-15 ("Blame it on Lisa")

Anonymous said...

How can you forget one of the best quotes EVER!!

(Homer walks into the kitchen where Bart has laid a trap for him, a pie in the middle of a rope circle)

H: oooooo Floor Pie!

Lesson: know the origins of your food.

Anonymous said...

This is from the episode mocking "The Lord of the Flies." The bus goes over a bridge and is teetering on the side. The boys have fruit that fell from their lunches and they are trying to see which one will make it to the back of the bus first. Ralph throws out a banana to be in on the race.

Bart: Go orange!
Nelson: Go grapefruit!
Ralph: Go Banana!

Lesson?: Banana's just won't win in a rolling race.

Anonymous said...

arrg. Tis no man. Tis a remorseless eatin machine!

Do Those sound like the actions of a man whose had "all he can eat?"

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm.... 64 slices of American Cheese.

For the attack of the late night munchies..or to fend of burglers trying to steal BoBo.

Anonymous said...

Lisa: My nose is so stuffed up I can't taste Mom's delicious boiled celery!

The lesson - Just because you are on a budget doesn't mean you need to eat something so disgusting!

And El Zato, in the English version they don't say "Mexicans they know nothing", he says something like he doesn't care what they say. It must have just been a translation misunderstanding or something, it is not meant to be racist in any way. Homer eats it and gets scarlett fever at the $.33 store

Anonymous said...

This is one of my faves:

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

Homer: If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

Anonymous said...

During the episode where Homer only has 24 hours to live, when the chef is trying to prepare the fish:
Chef: Poison...poison...ahh, tasty fish!

My husband and I say that all the time when we talk about getting sushi.

-Me said...

I have encountered many a people who have been offended by the Simpsons, and the funny thing is that they never watched an entire episode! I agree if you don't find it funny you probably aren't getting the humor of the show. To me the show is very tolerant of different people and their backgrounds. (Apu's wedding episode? The Simpson's had the wedding in their backyard.)

One of my favorite quotes is the episode where Homer sells his soul (to devil Flanders) for a doughnut.
Homer: (Half asleep) Mmmmm...forbidden doughnut.
Devil: Finishing something?

Lesson: If you have to sell your soul for something...make sure it's not a doughnut. And make sure you know what the whole deal was....

Second quote...

Bart: Can I have a beer?
Homer: All right, but not the imported.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You've got to set limits, Marge.

Lesson: Save the good stuff for yourself, and be a good example to your kids....

I love this show. I never tire of quoting it on a daily basis. Even if I am the only one who gets the joke.

Anonymous said...

From the monkey paw episode TreeHouse of Horrors Homer: I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, *and* I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it? (a sandwich appears and Homer eats it) Not bad. Nice, hot mustard. Good bread. The turkey's a little dry. (realises) The turkey's a little dry! Oh, foe, the cursed teeth! What demon from the depths of hell created thee!

Lesson: You can find fault with even a good thing. So think everything through.

Anonymous said...

Here's some good business advice from Homer:

Homer: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work,sacrifice, and painful scaldings pay off.

Employee: Four pounds of grease ... that comes to ... sixty-three cents.

Homer: Woo-hoo!

Bart: Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.

Homer: Yeah, but your mom paid for that!

Bart: But doesn't she get her money from you?

Homer: And I get my money from grease! What's the problem? [an "Acne Grease Co." truck passes by Homer and Bart, and Homer looks on admiringly] Wow! Look at that load of grease. Boy, if we're ever going to earn paper money, we have to expand our operation.

Bart: Uh, I don't know how much more school I can miss.

Homer: Oh, you'll miss plenty! I have a feeling this business is going to consume our whole lives.

Anonymous said...

In the interest of accuracy, the "Most expensive thing stuffed with the second most expensive" line was from Moe when he was trying to impress his girlfriend, Renee (Helen Hunt).

Still a hilarious line!

Anonymous said...

Let's take it for a test toast

Anonymous said...

Homer: "Mmmm...64 slices of American cheese. 64...63...62..."

Lesson: Sleep-eating and processed cheese are a dangerous mix.

Another health related favorite...

Homer to a car mechanic: "I'm hearing this strange thumping noise. Can you tell me what it is?"

Mechanic: "Buddy, I think it's your heart. It sounds like you're you're having a heart attack."

Homer (drives off): "Oh, thank god. I thought it was my transmission."

Squeaky Voiced Teen: "Mister, where you going?"

Mechanic: "Remember that old Chevy we just couldn't fix?"

"We're going to sell him to Mr. Nicopopolus?"

"You're a dull boy Billy."

Anonymous said...

My favorite Simpson quote ever:

Homer: I'm looking for something in an after dinner burrito.

chandy said...

Homer: See Marge, I told you I could deep fry my shirt.
Marge: I didn't say you couldn't, I said you probably shouldn't.

Anonymous said...


ralphie: (bites into the hybrid veggie) it tastes like grandma!
chief wiggum: oh my god! it DOES taste like grandma!


or the one where bart & ralph sneak into the abandonded prison and stumble upon the electric chair...

bart: (sniffs) you smell that, ralph? that's the sweet smell of justice!

ralph: it smells like hot dogs!

Beau said...

[As fireworks fly into the room and land on a bottle of ether]

DR. NICK RIVIERA: Don't worry. The sign says it is "In"-Flammable.

Lesson: Look it up if you don't know what it means.

Anonymous said...

We take 18 oz of sizzling ground beef and soak it in rich creamery butter. Then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger.

Then later....

We start with pure milk chocolate, add a layer of farm fresh honey. Then we sprinkle on 4 kinds of sugar. And dip it in rich creamery butter.

Lisa-- "Dad? What if I told you you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger?"

Homer-- "I'd say you're a lying scumbag! Why sweetie?"

Lisa-- " can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is suddenly implanted in your head, without you even knowing it."

Homer-- "Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter!"

Anonymous said...

I was looking for the beswt tip from Homer flying through the air on a skateboard(?)
Hmmm, if I buy my nuts seperately & mix them together at home I could save money (or close)

Open Faced Club Sand Wedge

Anonymous said...

64 slices of American cheese...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Burning Stickman said...

In the Treehouse of Horror Episode where Homer becomes 3-D.

(Looks at his reflection in a pool of water and sees fish swimming around)

Homer: Mmmmmmmm......unprocessed fishsticks. *drools*

Homer is my hero.

Jenny in Utah said...

Vicky: I'm sorry, but giving everyone an equal part when they're not clearly equal is what again, class?
Girls: Communism!

Just a good lesson on economy in general :)

Anonymous said...

Flanders (To Homer): What ya doin to your car?

Homer: Their speed holes, they make the car go faster.

reenz said...

Thank you for writing such an insightful and enjoyable blog. I loved all the comments as well; there are truly some hardcore Simpsons fans here! Here's a few of my favorite food-related Simpson moments.

From Treehouse of Horror III:
Evil shopkeeper: [Homer had just purchased a talking Krusty doll for Bart's birthday] Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ohhh, that's bad.
Evil shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Evil shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Evil shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good.
Evil shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
Homer: [Stares blankly]
Evil shopkeeper: ...That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Lesson: Beware of free food.

From Dead Putting Society episode:
Lisa: [Refusing to let Bart eat steak and eggs for breakfast] Bart is on a strict diet of complex carbohydrates; steak will make him logey.
Lisa: Oats are what a champion throughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby.
Homer: Newsflash Lisa, Bart is not a horse.
Homer: Eat your steak, boy.

Lesson: Steak makes you logey.

Anonymous said...

and Homer's "patented, space-age, out of this world, moon waffle" is caramel, waffle batter, liquid smoke.... mmmmm waffle runoff. Then wrapped around a stick of butter.

And off topic.... after Flanders pulls Homer from the burning house.
Homer-- "Our magazines and roach traps..... gone, all gone."

But the best line from the episode...
After the fire's out.
Homer-- "The Lord is vengeful. O Spiteful One, show me who to smite and they shall be 'smoten'"
Flanders-- "Homer, God didn't set your house on fire"
Rev. Lovejoy-- "No but he was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid be they (pointing to Flanders) Christian, (to Krusty) Jew, or (to Apu) miscellaneous."

Apu-- "Hindu, there are 700 million of us."

Lovejoy-- "Aw, that's super..."

Anonymous said...

Dr Hibert measured Homer's body fat percentage by shaking his belly fat and measuring how long it takes to stop moving. After a minute or so he calls over his nurse and says, "cancel my 2 o'clock".

Anonymous said...

Homer: Nuts and gum...together at last!

No lesson. It's gross!

jo said...

Uter: One more Sloppy Jimbo, please!

(next day) Lisa: they're serving up something called Uter-braten!

Lesson: You never know what's in school lunches. Bring your own.

Rick said...

All timje favorite Simpson line:

Lisa is depressed and everyone tells her to "smile', "that she'll get over it", "see the sunny side" etc.
Rhough hurting inside, she puts a big phoney smile on and Marge (ever the wise Mother) says: Lisa, If you feel sad, be sad, we'll ride it out together.

Great lesson teaching the value of emotional honesty

John said...

Homer to Flanders at a baseball game: You Suck, Flanders
Marge to Homer: Homer, criticizing is easy.
Homer: Fun, too.

Lesson: Those in glass houses should throw stones.

Lisa to Homer: Who will Police the police?
Homer: The coast-guard?

Lesson: Separation of powers is the cornerstone of democracy.

Marge to Homer on budgeting: You could give up beer.
Homer: What about the baby? We keep innoculating her for diseases she doesn't even have.

Lesson: Live for today

3-D Homer in the real world, confused and scared until he sees a storefront window.
Homer: Mmmmmm, erotic cakes.

Lesson: Life is strangely beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Mmm...trash cookies...

Lesson: You can find great things in unexpected places!

Anonymous said...

Homer: Mmmm there's a TEMPORARY solution!

Lesson: self-explanatory

Anonymous said...

I love the Simpsons my favorite quote:
At the BBQ where lisa gets mad and sends the pig flying
Homer: It's just a little airborne it's still good it's still good
Homer: It's just a little soaked it's still good it's still good

Lesson: If you drop food on the floor that doesn't look dirty it's still good it's still good!

Anonymous said...

mmmm... forbidden donut....

Keet said...

Loved your Simpson method of grocery shopping and shared your post with my blog readers. Thanks for the laughs! :)

Anonymous said...

Waitress: oh i hate it when the waffles stick together!
Cook: but sticking together's what good waffles do!

Lesson: Good waffles stick together

E_B_Roque said...

I seem to recall a food related [ well, er, well "food" is the best word I guess ] Simpsons-Think it was "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie":

Many years later Bart (now the Chief Justice to the US Supreme Court) is escourting a now much older Homer to the movie theater (in his judge robes and asking for the "Supreme Court Justice discount".)
While walking into the theater, Homer in the distance spys the snack stand with a huge banner... Homer's longing response: "Mmmmm... Soylent Green..."

Lesson - Mmmmm. Isn't Tuesday Soylent Green day? Or maybe Wednesdays, I always forget...

Anonymous said...

My favorite: From the World Trade Center episode after Homer is hungry and goes to a street-cart vendor. He eats that disgusting-looking, hairy, meat-thing-on-a-stick (I believe it was called "klish-klash" or something like that):

Homer: Mmmm, do you have anything to wash it down?

Vendor: We have Mountain Dew or Crab Juice.

Homer: Eeeeewww. That's disgusting - give me a Crab Juice!

Lesson - food is food, one person's escargot is another person's snails.

The writing of The Simpsons is genius. Poking fun at our hopes, fears, beliefs and prejudices reveals human beings for what we really are - human beings.

UNSQUARED [(Un)^2] said...

Excellent article. I took a class on The Simpsons last year and while we talked about its heuristic value, I never quite realized how so many episodes have little bits and pieces educating us on the state of American health until you spelled some of them out. It really works better as a study across multiple episodes as opposed to just a single. Ah, I should check to see whether new episodes have been uploaded. Entry bookmarked!

Anonymous said...

Marge: (picking up spices at the grocery store) "Or-eh-gahno. What the hell?"

What this taught me: It's important to become familiarized with exotic ingredients.

Or my other favorite:

Homer: (after finding out Lisa has become a vegetarian) "You mean to tell me you're never going to eat bacon?"

Lisa: "No."

Homer: "Sausage?"

Lisa: "No."

Homer: "Ham??"

Lisa: "Dad, those all come from the same animal."

Homer: "Yeah right, Lisa. Some wonderful, magical animal."

What this has taught me: It's good to branch out to other food groups.

Anonymous said...

Red Tick Beer - Needs More Dog.

Anonymous said...

The voiceover for the TV ad for the McRibwich: "We start with authentic letter-graded meat, and process the hell out of it."

Lesson: eat more natural, and less processed, food

Patm said...

THe forbidden donut episode, with Flanders as Satan, is the funniest 15 minutes in animation. The first five times I saw it, I could not breathe for laughing. " THis chair be high, says I!"

Pirate:"This looks to be some sort of traysure map!"

George Washington: You idiot, you cahnt read!

You have to see it to understand how exquisite it is.

Josh said...

And let's not forget alternative sources of dairy, such as rat milk and Malk, now with more vitamin R!

Soul Kitten said...

After one of my favorite characters (Santa's Little Helper) goes missing.

Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back. Unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back…or you can go out there and find your dog.

Bart: You're right dad.

Homer: Rats! I almost had him eating dog food.

Lesson(s): 1. You cry what you eat; 2. Go get your dog!

Anonymous said...

Homer while chasing the pig on a spid... It's still good.. it's still good...

Anonymous said...

I think it's the vegetarian episode again (a Simpsons classic).

Homer: These porkchops are delicious. (or something to that effect).

Marge: You could say that the secret ingredient is salt.

dan said...

Can't believe I read through ALL those comments. Oh well, time well spent.

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club. The sand wedge!

Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.

Lesson: food and sports go great together.

Tony S. said...

One of my favorite quotes is when Jasper thaws out from Apu's freezer and thinks its the future... "moon pies? what a time to be alive!"

Lesson: In the future we will eat pies made out of the moon.

Anonymous said...

From Jaws Wired Shut.

Hibbert: I'm afraid you won't be able to eat solids for some time.

Marge: Solids? But those are his favourites!

Anonymous said...

Not sure of the exact words... the one where instead of a turbo diary homer makes a personalized video for lisa's birthday. when it asks for her favorite food it says "mcnuggets!" lisa says "dad, im a vegetarian" homer says, "oh, well then youre not going to like your other present" clearly a chicken wrapped in aluminum foil with a bow on it lol

[the Simpsons are housesitting at Mr. Burns' mansion. They are eating dinner at Mr. Burns' oversized dinner table]
Marge: This all seems a little elaborate for Sloppy Joes. I know what the other 12 forks are for, but I don't know what to do with this one.
Homer: Why Marge my dear, I believe you are supposed to scratch your ass with it.
Marge: Homer!
[scratches rear with fork]
Marge: Ooh...

Ned has the ability to foresee one's death]
Ned Flanders: Homer, you will die eating a submarine sandwich.
Homer: What kind of bread is it?
Ned Flanders: Country parmesan.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.

Homer: Homer no function beer well without

Homer: [praying] Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever.
[brief pause]
Homer: Thy bidding will be done.
[munch munch munch]

Homer is using butter as a pencil holder]
Marge: Is that my butter?
Homer: Can't talk - taking another delicious memo.
[Licks tip of pencil as if about to write]
Homer: Mmmmm... memo.

Newspaper editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.

from the episode where he goes on a hunger strike and he sings... "dancing away my hunger pains, moving my feet so my stomach wont hurt, im kinda like jesus but not in a sacreligious way" later in the episode he is seen and has not eaten for over a week, examines his breasts and says sullenly "im down to a b cup"

[Moe is describing a plan to Homer]
Moe: Okay Homer, this olive is you...
Homer: Mmm... me...

Anonymous said...

cant belive u forgot the one. homer " cryings not going to get ur dog back unless u sit here and eat can after can of dog ood till ur tears smell like dog food or you can get out there and find him"

lesson if you eat enough of the one food your tears will smell liek it

G B Hayes said...

On the episode Lisa Vs Malibu Stacy lisa is upset no one will listen to her. The following conversation takes place:

Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you.

Abe: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.

Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me -- no matter how dumb my suggestions are. (Homer pulls out a can of "nuts and gum - Together at last!"

Lesson: Corporations will make just about anything....

G B Hayes said...

On the Homer Becomes a Food Critic episode there is this exchange at the dinner table:

Marge: Who wants pork chops?!

Homer: [carefully tasting the food] Sorry Marge, I'm afraid this gets my lowest rating ever. Seven thumbs up.

Marge: You always liked my pork chops.

Homer: Marge, I'm sorry, but your cooking's only got two moves, Shake and Bake.

Marge: You like Shake n' Bake. You used to put it in your coffee.

Homer: People change, Marge. My palate has grown more sophisticated.

Marge: Oh yeah, what's a palate?

Homer: Oh ... it's a ... special time in a boys life when ... got to go! [rushes out]

Lesson: Shake n Bake rules...and it's ok to branch out and try new things...?