But now …
In a world …
Where sometimes, recipes don’t work out …
No matter how much you want them to …
CHG'S HALL OF SHAME II: EVEN SHAMIER.
To celebrate Friday the 13th, we here at CHG thought we’d bring you even MORE failed recipes. See, in the effort to cook three frugal, nutritional, delicious dishes per week, we create quite a few duds.
But there’s a bright side to those failures: we can post about ‘em anyway, to let you know that we don’t write up EVERYTHING we cook. It’s gotta be good, or it doesn’t make the blog.
So, without further ado…
(NOTE: To protect the innocent, some sources have been omitted. Except Jenny Craig – she can take it.)
Oh, man. WHAT did I do wrong here? I used the correct ingredients in the right amounts. I beat the crap out of the batter – there were stiff peaks APLENTY. I left the cookies in the oven for all two hours. They were supposed to look like this. Instead … ack (see: to the right). You need to know: The Boyfriend likes almost all food. He’ll eat anything with sugar, cheese, or barbecue sauce. (Mmm … sugared cheese with barbecue sauce…) He did not like these cookies.
White Bean Cakes
These had promise, and in the end, after a billion alterations, were somewhat vaguely edible. But as written, the recipe simply didn’t work. It called for two cans of drained beans, pureed with a few tablespoons of lemon juice. Alas, with so little liquid, the beans turned to spackle in my food processor, and I had to triple the juice just so they would budge. Still, if you need to repair a hole in the wall with something citrus-scented, it’s highly suggested.
This was actually very tasty and so, so pretty. You might ask, “What’s the problem then, jerk?” Sadly, the portions were teeny-tiny. The Boyfriend and I polished off the whole thing in a single sitting, meaning we ingested almost 24 grams of fat each. Great if you don’t care. Not-so-great if you write a blog about healthy eating.
Pumpkin Spice Scones
These baked wonders from Eggs on Sunday were another case of Should Have Done the Numbers beforehand. Delicious, though, and a nice treat if you don’t mind the extra calories.
Oh, Jenny Craig. After I praised you and your floppy hats, why did you dis my kitchen with your dry, pedestrian bruschetta? Granted, it wasn’t inedible. But it was more boring than a Counting Crows concert. And by god, I didn’t think there was ANYTHING more boring than a Counting Crows concert.
This was entirely my fault. I tipped over the grapefruit halves in the broiler, causing all the sugary, buttery toppings to spill out. They immediately congealed at the bottom, burning into a pile of black bubbly goo not unlike the La Brea Tar Pits. (We even found a dinosaur femur in the pan later.) And with the sugar gone, all that was left was warm grapefruit. Fail.
Tunisian Chickpea Soup
My fault again. On the bright side, I did find out that red curry paste should never, ever be substituted for chili sauce. But only after the burning subsided. Good times.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Like hummus, only blander.
Sweet readers, what’ve you messed up lately? Do tell.