Monday, June 14, 2010

Italian Turkey Sliders: A One-Act Play

Today on Serious Eats: White Bean and Mushroom Ragout. Plus, a new cookbook find. Rawk.

Masterpiece Blog Theater proudly presents another installation of CHG's ongoing one-act plays.

KRIS: an alarmingly freckled 32-year-old food and frugality blogger.
MOTHER NATURE: a faceless, otherworldly entity with omnipotent control over the weather.

The back deck of a 110-year-old Brooklyn brownstone that, by all rights, should have been condemned 109 years ago. Kris alofts, and turns her attention toward the sky.

KRIS: Mother Nature! Hi there! It’s Kris!


KRIS: Kris? Kinda tall. A little busty. Very near sighted.

MOTHER NATURE: Oh! You! The one with no sense of direction. What up, girl?

KRIS: We have 12 people coming for a potluck dinner today!

MOTHER NATURE: Oooo. Potlucks are the proverbial bomb. What are you making?

KRIS: Italian Turkey Sliders and Potato Salad with Green & White Beans.

MOTHER NATURE: Sweet. Mama likes. What about everybody else?

KRIS: Well, as far as I know:
  • R & J: Banana Lemonade and Kettle Corn
  • S: Black Bean Dip and Fresh Salsa
  • A & A: Berry Trifle and Veggie Skewers
  • M & S: Barbecue Pulled Chicken
  • L: Hummus
  • Leigh & B: Recipe(s) coming Thursday
MOTHER NATURE: Excellent. Send some my way, will you?

KRIS: Uh … but you don’t … have a mouth. Or organs. You’re a foodie?

MOTHER NATURE: Foodie, shmoodie. I’m gonna drop this stuff on washed cars.


MOTHER NATURE: That Black Bean Dip has a date with my neighbor’s Humvee. Steal MY lawnmower, will you, bud?

KRIS: Makes sense. I guess. But Ma Nature, I have a favor to ask.

MOTHER NATURE: They always do. *sigh* What is it, Magoo?

KRIS: Well here’s the thing: if it rains, we can’t use the backyard. And consequently, we have to stuff everybody – including two toddlers - into an apartment living room the size of a cookie sheet. So, um, can you hold the storms off for like, two or three hours?

MOTHER NATURE: Sure thing!

KRIS: Really?



MOTHER NATURE: Ha! Father Time always falls for that, too. Don’t worry kid.

KRIS: So you will stop it from raining?



MOTHER NATURE: But I’ll tell you what I’ll do: If you give me the recipe for those Italian Turkey Sliders, I’ll make it rain just enough so that you THINK you can stay outside, but after ten minutes, you have to haul everyone and all their food upstairs.

KRIS: That doesn’t sound like a very good deal.

MOTHER NATURE: Wait – I’m not done. Then, I’ll cut it down to a misty drizzle, so everyone moves back outside again.

KRIS: And then you’ll stop the rain altogether?


KRIS: Really?


KRIS: I don’t like you.

MOTHER NATURE: Then it'll rain for the rest of the afternoon. But you know what they say: False hope is better than no hope at all.

KRIS: I don’t think anyone says that.

MOTHER NATURE: I’m sure someone said it. Anyway, that recipe?

KRIS: Uh. Okay. Here you go.

MOTHER NATURE: Excellent. Hey, hold this lightning for me, will ya?

KRIS: Sure th******** (Kris is electrocuted.)

MOTHER NATURE: Heh. Father Time fell for that one, too.


If you like this recipe, you might also be stoked by:

Italian Turkey Sliders
Makes 24 mini-burgers.

1 20-ounce package sweet Italian turkey sausage links (I use Shady Brook. – Kris)
1 20-ounce package 93/7 ground turkey (Shady Brook again. – Kris)
24 slider rolls/mini-hamburger rolls (I use Martin’s Party Potato Rolls. – Kris)
24 small slices part-skim mozzarella cheese (optional)
1/2 cup your favorite tomato sauce (optional)

1) Preheat your grill.

2) Using a knife, make a long slit along each link of the turkey sausage. Remove sausage from casings. Discard casings.

3) Combine turkey sausage in a large bowl with ground turkey. Using your hands, mix/squish until meats are thoroughly combined.

4) Make your slider patties. They should each be approximately 2 to 3 inches across and 3/4-inch thick, with a light thumb indentation in the middle. Store on wax paper until ready to cook. (Note: If you’re refrigerating the patties for later, bring them down to near-room temperature before you slap them on a grill.)

5) Place patties over direct heat and grill 4-6 minutes on each side, until outside is a bit browned and inside is cooked through. When finished, let sit for a few minutes.

6) Place patties on buns. Add mozzarella if you like (you can also do this on the grill), along with a few dabs of your favorite spaghetti sauce. Enjoy.

Approximate Calories, Fat, Fiber, Protein, and Price Per Serving
Due warning: I tried to use pretty generic calculations, but these numbers may differ slightly based on the brands you use.
Patty only: 73 calories, 3.9 g fat, 0 g fiber, 8.8 g protein, $0.29
Patty and bun: 117 calories, 4.4 g fat, 1 g fiber, 9.1 g protein, $0.42
Patty, bun, cheese, and sauce: 139 calories, 5.7 g fat, 1 g fiber, 10.9 g protein $0.52

1 20-ounce package sweet Italian turkey sausage links: 960 calories, 54 g fat, 0 g fiber, 102 g protein, $2.99:
1 20-ounce package 93/7 ground turkey: 800 calories, 40 g fat, 0 g fiber, 110 g protein, $3.99
24 slider rolls/mini-hamburger rolls: 1040 calories, 12 g fat, 24 g fiber, 6 g protein, $3.19
24 small slices part-skim mozzarella cheese: 432 calories, 27 g fat, 0 g fiber, 41.3 g protein, $1.86
1/2 cup your favorite tomato sauce: 93 calories, 3 g fat, 0.5 g fiber, 2.4 g protein, $0.33
TOTALS: 3325 calories, 136 g fat, 24.5 g fiber, 261.7 g protein, $12.36
PER SERVING (no cheese, sauce, or bun): 73 calories, 3.9 g fat, 0 g fiber, 8.8 g protein, $0.29
PER SERVING (with bun, no cheese or sauce): 117 calories, 4.4 g fat, 1 g fiber, 9.1 g protein, $0.42
PER SERVING (with 1/4 oz cheese and ½ teaspoon tomato sauce): 139 calories, 5.7 g fat,1 g fiber, 10.9 g protein $0.52

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Andrea said...

OMG the conversation with Mother Nature had me ROTFLMAO! Nice!! The sliders sure do sound good. Hope your party was a success, even inside the cookie sheet sized living room :)

Amy said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

That dialogue was hilarious. I'm sur ethe sliders are a treat, but the best part of the post: the one-act with Ma Nature.

Two thumbs up!

Daniel said...

This post is the finest moment in the entire history of food blog comedy. I bow down to you!

Dan @ Casual Kitchen

Kris said...

Yay! Thanks, you guys!