Today, we figured we’d try something a little different: a quiz. It’s designed to determine whether you should start, continue, or stop reading this blog. In a way, it’s kind of like asking, “How good are you at applying all this stuff?” or "Kale is awesome, right?"
So, using a pencil and a piece of paper, record your answers as you go along (or, you know, just remember them). At the end of the post, evaluate yourself using the provided key.
Have fun and good luck.
1. You have five dollars to feed yourself for two days. You buy:
- A) Bananas, carrots, sweet potatoes, beans, peanut butter, bread, and a dozen eggs. What? You had coupons.
- B) Two boxes of pasta, a jar of decent sauce, and a bag of salad. Breakfast is gonna be weird, but you’ll get by.
- C) Five junior cheeseburgers off the $1 menu. Then, you load up on ketchup and salt when your cashier is distracted by the senior bus tour.
- D) The latest issue of Maxim. Hopefully, it will keep you so distracted you won’t need to eat.
2. It’s Friday night after work. In your fridge are two eggs, half a jar of salsa, and a hunk of bread. What’s your reaction?
- A) Time for Shaksouka! With herbs from my victory garden, of course.
- B) Scrambled eggs with salsa and toast. Not too shabby, sports fans.
- C) “Hello, is this Kam Sing? … Yes, I’d like a pint of Pork Chow Fun … yes, a pint … of Pork Chow Fun … Pork Chow Fun … a pint … one pint … Pork Chow Fun … No. Pork Chow Fun … one pint … Pork Cho- … Fried Rice is fine. Thanks.”
- D) What’s an “egg”?
3. Your favorite food publication is:
- A) Saveur. So beautiful. So erudite. You want to make crazy tantric Sting love to it.
- B) Cook’s Illustrated. So practical. So methodical. You want to spoon and make it a mix tape.
- C) Every Day with Rachael Ray. So colorful. So fun. You want to give it a friendly high five and a girly, non-boob-touching hug.
- D) Highlights Magazine. So Gallant. So Goofus. You want to learn math and simple decision-making skills from it.
4. Your favorite food is:
- A) Tout plat favorisée par des paysans français. Ils sont les meilleurs, c'est exact?
- B) Turkey Chili. It’s delicious, surprisingly filling, and uses all the odds and ends lying around your refrigerator.
- C) Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. If you use skim milk and halve the butter, it’s not so bad. Plus, it comes in Shrek shapes! I can eat that damn cat!
- D) Cigarettes. Mmm … tabacco-y.
5. Given five bucks and a choice of chocolate bar, you’d buy:
- A) Theo. It’s free trade organic cage free humanely raised Omega-3 other words.
- B) Lindt’s. Delicious, a little upscale. A real treat.
- C) Hershey’s. IT’S ALL YOU KNOW.
- D) A 40 of malt liquor with an M&M accidentally dropped in the bottle.
6. Your favorite Food Network show is:
- A) Barefoot Contessa. You would kidnap Ina Garten and keep her in your basement if you were sure it wouldn’t upset Jeffrey.
- B) Everday Italian. Giada knows what she’s doing. Also? Claw hand.
- C) Quick Fix Meals. You don’t necessarily like it, but it’s tough to break from Robin Miller's uncomfortably intense stare.
- D) Down Home with the Neelys. HAHAHAHAHAHA, PAT, AH LUUUUUUUV YOU BABY, AND NOW WE’RE GONNA MAKE SOME ITALIAN BARBECUE, RIGHT BABY? IT’S REGULAR BARBECUE, BUT WITH A BASIL LEAF. HAHAHA, BABY? (*Pat shoots self in face*)
7. Your definition of healthy food is:
- A) Organic, whole foods bought from local vendors and/or free trade organizations, prepared simply with a little oil. Julienned if possible, just because you like the word.
- B) Anything that will eventually decompose.
- C) Diet Coke and Weight Watchers Amaretto Cheesecake Yogurt.
- D) Moonshine without too much dirt.
8. The biggest problem with the American food system is:
- A) Not enough fennel.
- B) Too many chemicals. Useless government regulations and regulators. Unchecked corporations. Food deserts. False nutritional claims. Marketing junk to kids. … Wow, this is depressing.
- C) Um … well, Hot Pockets are kind of gross.
- D) Not enough heroin.
9. Quick! Make up a haiku about food!
- A) Pastured, grass-fed cattle / Mooing gently on the plain / Tomorrow’s sirloin.
- B) Though I loathe salad / I know it must be consumed / For good aorta.
- C) Long Island Iced Tea / has iced tea in it so it / has to be good, right?
- D) Beans. Beans. They make you / smart. The more you eat. The more / you … uh … umm … like art.
10. Your favorite food book is:
- A) Anything by Michael Pollan. In fact? Yesterday, you snuck into his office at UC Berkeley, stole his diary, and were startled to discover it reads exactly like the script for Taxi Driver.
- B) Kitchen Confidential. It inspired you to quit your job, start washing dishes for Babbo, and buy a Ramones box set.
- C) Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. They’re meatballs! But they’re also rain! From the sky! Yay!
- D) Me no read book. Me eat book. Book good. Book have fiber. Book make butt feel good.
If you answered mostly A, you should start your own food and frugality blog. Your favorite activities include calculating unit costs and taking landscape photographs of the Whole Foods bulk section. Your coupon organizational skills would put Encyclopedia Britannica to shame. It’s entirely possible you spent your formative years hidden in a cupboard in America’s Test Kitchen. You are most likely a chef, a mother of ten working off a $13/week budget, or Christopher Kimball.
If you answered mostly B, you should continue reading Cheap Healthy Good. While you enjoy a fulfilling life packed with engaging activities, you occasionally spend an hour contemplating the financial and flavor advantages of cremini over button mushrooms. Your worst enemies are jarred garlic, bottled water, and late-era Paula Deen (though you would still like to visit her at Christmas). You have used your food savings to pay your mortgage. You are most likely a single person in an urban area, a married person in a rural or suburban area, Johnny Depp, or my friend M.
If you answered mostly C, you should start reading Cheap Healthy Good. When it comes to feeding yourself, you have the best of intentions, but they’re often usurped by insatiable cravings for Lunchables. In a mental smackdown between convenience and frugality/health, the former leaves the latter naked and bleeding in a sewer grate. You are most likely a college intern, somebody on Glee, or my brother.
If you answered mostly D, you are obviously in the wrong place. It’s entirely possible you were searching for Cheap Healthy Dudes or Keep Wealthy Moods or something similar. You are most likely a poor speller, a third grader, or a tad unsavory.
That's it, sweet readers. Thanks for playing, and stick around for Wheel of Fortune!
If you enjoyed this post, you might also dig:
- 2 Oatmeal Recipes: 1 Sweet, 1 Savory (Plus, a Quiz!)
- Brunch Clafouti: The Pop Quiz
- The SATs of Cranberry Zinger Muffins
(Photo from DK Presents.)